As part of going back to college, I am retaking the classes I failed, including SDV100 -- "Student Development". Essentially an orientation to college, it is largely worthless but is a transfer/graduation requirement.
Today's class time was spent attending the first of a series of "Making Connections" seminars. A team-building/icebreaker exercise, for the most part. Graded for participation.
Before I get into why this got to me today, two points:
- I am an introvert. This does not mean I hate people; it does not mean I hate being social. What it *does* mean is that I find being in a group of other people to be stressful. After a certain period of time (depending on various factors such as the size of the group, my relationship with each member, etc.) I have to go spend some time alone or there are serious consequences for my temperament.
- I am not touch-adverse. However, I *do* expect to be able to choose when, where, and by who I am touched. (Within reason; I'm not going to flip out on someone who brushes past me on the bus.)
This meeting involved several classes, for a total of around 100 people. Simply being in a group this large is enough to put me on edge.
To open the session, the speaker told us that we were to respect each other's boundaries. Good. (And to the credit of my fellow students, they *did*.) This was followed by an exercise in non-verbal communication. Then the funky chicken (what). Then bizarre "handshakes" (borderline).
Then standing toe-to-toe, elbow-to-elbow, knee-to-knee, head-to-head and various combinations thereof. Direct contact. Explicitly with someone we *haven't* met. This continued, with new and larger groups each time.
This is beyond what I'm willing to do. Is it intimate contact? No. But it's a violation of my personal space. More importantly, I am not initiating it. Not even my "partner". It was personal touch initiated by a third-party. Unacceptable.
So, I backed off, and did not participate. A teacher walked by, and asked me to join a group that was short on members. I refused. She insisted. I refused again, and she gave up. *Another* teacher decided to come over and be my partner (because obviously I don't mind an authority figure in my space, right? Right?). The exercise had moved away from the full-body-contact to essentially holding hands, so I went along with her.
In the end, did any wrong come of it? Other than pissing me off and ruining my mood for the day, no. But I should not have had to refuse participation twice, or even once. The exercise itself is far out of bounds. I should not feel compelled, for a grade, to touch or be touched by other people, people I do not know.
As a contrast, later exercises (team-building stuff, for example lowering a stick to the ground while everyone keeps contact with it) did involve contact with other people, but to an incidental degree, and as part of another activity. There is a difference, and it is important.
The solution is not "tell everyone else to respect each others boundaries." The solution is for you to respect my boundaries and not make physical contact part of the exercise to begin with! Which should be obvious.
